Zack Barnett

You know the feeling. The words slip out of your mouth before you realize they’re not funny — or better yet your phraseology is as funny as it is inappropriate to the moment.

You know, — at least I do — you get in one of those cringe-inducing conversations about stuff you’ve got no business talking about, asking questions like why do lactating mothers “express” milk?

Those moments are awkward enough in person. They can be downright painful on social media and networking sites, where you can bomb in front of the masses, in front people you hardly know.

Sometimes people have no idea if I am joking in person. I take pride in a dry delivery that sometimes people really hate. But it’s tough to be dry on twitter or facebook.

When an acquaintance updated her Facebook status to say that Dateline NBC was interviewing one of her co-workers, I of course had to comment even though it had been years since I’d actually spoken to my Facebook friend. “I hope your colleague is not the subject Dateline’s ‘Catch a Predator’ series,” I wrote, congratulating myself on sheer hilarity. I didn’t hear back for a while, and when I did she ambiguously wrote, “We’re all glad of that.” Can’t tell if she thought I was funny or if she was humoring a social media ass.

Cyberspace, like the water cooler at work or the theater for a comic, can be awful silent, especially without the sympathetic pity laughs. Then again, sometimes I don’t deserve the laughs. Sometimes I need to think before I type just as I have learned to muzzle my unusually large and blunt mouth.

Gotta admit though. Express is an odd verb when it comes to milk.